Corporal punishment, or the use of physical violence as a way to mold
or shape the behaviour of children is now frowned upon (and often
illegal) in both schools and in homes.

I have a feeling that it is OK on international waters and oil rigs,
but please don't quote me on this.

Some people are a bit annoyed that as parents, aunties, elder cousins
and hungover babysitters, we have been stripped of the right to punish
kids in the bashy nature we deem fit.

I am not really bothered by the removal of this right. It's not that I
have some kind of moral highground on the subject; it's more that I
see physical violence (as a method of punishment) as ineffective and
unimaginative.

It is the word 'punishment' that I have the biggest problem with. We
are hell bent on 'punishing' people who don't behave according to our
rules. And the thing is, not everyone is clear on what the rules are.

I prefer the term 'revenge'. This is what is at the core of the issue.
The kid painted a stupid scene on the wall where a dog is chasing a
butterfly. Don't 'punish' the child. Get revenge.

Paint a stupid scene of a dog eating a child. On the child's favourite t-shirt.

This is effective punishment. This is revenge.

The kid wont stop fighting with it's sibling in the supermarket. It's
embarrassing you. Don't 'lightly smack the child with an open hand';
start a massive fight with your spouse in the vegetable aisle. I want
screaming, I want hair pulling, I want faux reports of infedility. I
want black eyes and security guards. I want revenge.

The one time where physical violence is universally seen as
acceptable, is when it is to prevent harm or injury. Child puts fork
into electrical socket, gets spear tackled by Uncle Bruce. Child steps
out in front of traffic, gets a backhand from Great Aunt Margaret.

This is an ineffective way of teaching a child the laws of cause and
effect. Child now expects a loving thump from mum when agreeing to
jump in the car with a strange, lolly bearing man- as opposed to a few
years in a dungeon.

Let the kid touch the hot stove. It will only do it once, learn it's
lesson; plus, it is easier to explain to the cops than a black eye.

For some time now, teachers have not been allowed to vent their hatred
of their personal life choices onto children who can not spell. I
guess with the invention of spell check, the need to spell correctly
first time around, out loud in front of your peers, has become
redundant; and with it has the need to whip them with a wooden ruler
till the skin bursts open.

Corporal punishment is lazy and makes the point that physical violence
will solve problems. It never will. Unless you are a professional
boxer. In that case, bash away, my friend.

As adults, we need to give the future adults of this world the tools
they need to become productive members of society. Let's mold little
minds in a non-violent manner. Give Sally an eating disorder, not
stitches.