Yuss we get days off, and paid for it. Yuss we get presents that we can later put on Trademe and use the money to buy something equally useless!

But Christmas is not always easy, my friend. There are several ways in which you can Christmasley ruin your life.  If you don’t hate yourself, read on, and learn what not to do this Christmas.

1- Do not wrap yourself in Christmas lights.  This is a health and safety disaster.  For one, you may choke.  This may be cool and rock n roll if you are combining it with a cheeky bit of self service, but whilst sitting at your desk in front of an ageing PC, it loses its street cred.

You could also slowly bake yourself as the gentle heat from the lights
starts to roast your flesh in such a gradual manner that you don’t
even …